Discovering the Key to Hope

I am one month into committing myself into working on my emotional sobreity and mental sanity. My sponsor convinced me of the hope and relief he had found in the 12 steps program, and I thought I’d give it a shot because I was quite desperate. I remember the desperation for a break as recently as 2 weeks ago, as I felt my world crumbling around me. It felt like I was running into a wall every direction that I turned.

After several hours of phone call conversations, reading and re-reading portions of the Emotions Anonymous book, being diligent in working one step at a time, praying every day, taking my thoughts captive, and constantly reminding myself of the promises of God and of the 12 steps program I can say I am equipped to use tools to achieve emotional sobreity.

There were several instances where I doubted the authenticity and self application of the program, a fear if it may not work for me, and the fear of committing to something I didn’t fully understand.

Two weeks later, however, I can say I am not desperate for a break, I am confident to face one day at a time, I find joy in the little things, and I can definitely sense a change in my surroundings that used to be highly stressful and triggering previously.
My depression is lifted, and I have hope.

I believe that it is my God who is doing for me what I cannot do for myself.

Today – I Am Thankful

We did not find ourselves inclined towards gratitude when depressed. Rather negative things or hardships seemed like mountains in our lives. But now with emotional sobriety, however challenging at times, I see the gift of family and friends, and today I am thankful.

Today – I Will Accept Hardship

Today – “I will accept hardship as a pathway to peace… Not as I would have it, Trusting that You [God] will make things right, If I surrender to Your will” (from the Serenity Prayer). For many of us this may be a rare perspective. We tend to think of hardships as troubling or grounding or even a way of directing one’s mind towards the need for God. But to think of it as a pathway to peace is a profound perspective. Today, with God’s help, I will surrender, and accept hardship as a pathway to peace.

A New Hope

Today, I pray for sensitivity and appreciation of the little and subtle ways God does things for me that I cannot do for myself. I am powerless, and I cannot manage my life on my own strength. I realise more everyday that I need God to be emotionally sober, and to be freed from self-centeredness.

I reflected on this particular part of the serenity prayer “trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.”

I am pleasantly surprised and encouraged to be filled with this hope that I am reminded of throughout the day. It is very different from the kind of thoughts that filled my mind as recent as 2 weeks ago.